Awesome Days

This is an awesome way to find your energy center and use the power God gave us to change our world.

I have found that my heart was closed.

I did not know that I was holding onto some negative energy that had been affecting my life.

I saw my heart as a closed vessel that could not accept any positive energy.

The energy poured over my heart but could not fill it.

I had not dealt with my dad's death. It was keeping me from moving forward without my knowledge.

I finally came to terms with the fact. It opened my heart to many new and exciting things.

The energy that fills me was given to me by God, I just did not know how to find it.

I am so grateful to know that God is blessing me on High with energy to help me grow and evolve.

His Spirit fills us through the energies that course through our bodies. The best way to show God our love for Him is to accept what He wants us to have.

We do not have to feel so separated from Him when His Spirit is the energy that courses through us.

If you want to know how I have learned these things and how to find the energy, leave me a note. LOL No one reads this but me.

New Attitude

I have decided to take a new path.

The past must be left there, and I am doing so.

I have started on a spiritual journey that is carrying me closer to God and His wonderful Creation.

I have begun,

I am taking back what God has given.

The beauty that is around me, the smells that delight me, all of this I am more aware of.

I have taken a vow to be obedient in my way to Him.

 I take the vow each week.

The vow serves to remind me that my time is not my own.

I worship Him in ways I never dreamed of.

This path is a Path of Light.

I use an hour set aside just for worship and evolution in and along the Path.

There is an energy in all of us that God has put there. I want to tap into that energy and use it to better my life and the lives of those around me. I want to use the natural power inside of me to change my perspective.

Perspective is the key.

If you are a worm in a radish, your perspective is that the world is a radish. Once the radish is gone, the worm must adjust to a new perspective or die.

Now, I am the worm and I have and am changing my perspective. Power to change things starts from within.

Stay tuned, there will be more.

WOW! I Made It!

I did not imagine forty-five years ago I would be here in 2020. I was 7 and the year seemed impossible to my child's mind. I did not think about the adult things I would face when I faced the year.

I have not blogged much because nobody reads it, but that may be a good thing.
The past years have led me to some dark places. Places that I thought I could control.

Control is only possible if you have a healthy relationship with yourself. I did not.

I thought suicide was an answer because the person I thought should love me couldn't love me. I forgot about other people in my life because this person was supposed to be mine for eternity.

How could a person that pledged himself to you for eternity not love you?
/So, now I am here in 2020 because suicide was not the answer.

I now have many brain/mental health issues but, I am learning to cope, thanks to meds.

Now, let's look at how I have learned to move forward.

1. Choose to be nice to yourself and love yourself every day!

2. Do not let others make you who you are! You teach others how to treat you!

I will continue this blog trying to keep myself on track with staying healthy.

More soon...

Never Changing

Have you ever felt like you were alone when you were in a relationship?
Have you ever been alone when you are around others?
What does this mean? I have a marriage, one that is tied for the eternities. I have made covenants to my God and my husband that I will be with him through eternity. Yet...
I am looking at my relationship thinking it is over...it is past help. He tells me he doesn't want to be around me. He has created a world where I can do NO RIGHT. I am one. I work. I contribute. I have worked the whole relationship, yet I am told I have not contributed. I have said I wanted him to man up. Step up and take the wheel. He will not. It scares him to be the man. He has failed before, he will not try again. I crawl forward, carrying my husband and load of life. I crawl, I slither. I do not move. I stagnate. I fall...because I have no one to help me up, I lay there. I look at myself, think, new place, leave. I cannot carry him and me. He is supposed to carry himself, and together we carry our lives. There is no together. I have been touched one time in 3 months. 1 TIME; 3 MONTHS. DO you know how I crave the touch of a man? One who will just want me, who will touch me and hold me?. I CRAVE. I fantasized for a while. That worked, but they no longer work. I get the most human contact through my Kuk Sool class. Fantasies carry me so far...at one time I could imagine the feel of a man's hands on me. Now, I lack even that. How do people go through life without having a human touch? Contact that lets you know you matter. You are real. I wonder if I am real sometimes. My married life gets so far away from what I imagined a married life to be. I feel numb. I vibrate around one. I come alive around one. I find myself creating a moment whenever I can. I stay away. I do not want to want. I vibrate. It is amazing the way I feel. It cannot be. I have no right. I do. I don't. Now, what do I do when I want so bad?
My life has closed in on me. I feel as if I am in a room with a window and I m defending through the window. I cannot defend against all because I cannot see beyond the window view. How do I open my doors and see the full picture so I can know, defend, and gain?
I need...
I am alone. I cry.

New Adventures

It seems to me that every day I change the way I look at life. There are times I look around and think how hard my life is. How much I need a break from the stress of life. Then I realize the stress of life means I am living. I am going, and doing, and creating memories.

Life seems to open up at the oddest times. It is never simple, it is always a harsh reality when we learn our lessons. Learning these lessons is what gets us ready for the next step in our lives.

I have a friend that recently passed and she was an amazing person. Her life was full of joy and wonder, She did all she wanted and raised wonderful family members who recently celebrated their lives together.

The celebration gave her the opportunity to see her family even though she did not know where she was, or who everyone else was. She told me last week she wanted her memory back and she wanted to go home. She now has her wish fulfilled,

Her mind is well, alert, and active. Her body is well and she is home. The best home, the best home one can ever have, There is no sadness in her passing, only joy for knowing her and loving her. She has fulfilled all of her duties and now she is at rest.

Her time is now. We all know someone who passes away and takes their light with them. She has left her light behind in her family and friends. There will be no grief because she is not lost. She is Home.

Thank God for my faith and my hope in Christ. This is where we find our peace and our comfort. Faith is based on nothing and everything. I have no way to prove there is a God, yet I am here so that is proof. I have no way to tell you about salt, yet we have it.

Our adventures in life are based on what we accept on faith. If we hold on to our faith, no matter what we are given to handle, we can do it. Walking in faith is an adventure that I would not change. It is hard. It is exciting. It is fulfilling. It is trepidation. It is a Walk with Christ. What an adventure.

today is a gift

I woke up this morning thinking what a beautiful day. It was raining outside of my window and it had not rain for days so it was a beautiful sight. As I drove to work I prayed. As I prayed thanking God for this day I realized all that it meant. I was given this day to grow, expand, and create.
This day was a gift to me and I just came to realize that. this day was a gift to me and I just came to realize that. I know that everyday is a gifts, and I am thankful everyday for it. For some reason this day stands out special.
I know I cannot take anything with me but I sure can take my memories. My memories are also a gift. Believe me I know this because I do not always have a good memory. My short-term memory has not ever been really good. As I get older I realize that I remember less and less in my short-term memory. I know there are memory exercises that you can do but that is for long-term memory. Short-term memory is a whole different ballgame.
You know what I mean, the times you are supposed to put something on that list and by the time you get to the list you do not remember what it was you were supposed to put on the list. when you walk through a door and you realize that you do not remember why you walk through that door I know they say these things happen with age but you have to realize, I am only 48.
My grandmother on my mother's side had Alzheimer's. I am constantly worry that the genetics were passed down. All of my family has bad short-term memory. So it is not anything new in the family to be affected by this. But since we do have bad memories, I think we are candidates for the Alzheimer's disease. Of course my mother is 75 and she still has all her faculties. This does give me hope. But it can also skip a generation and therefore lies my worries.
These words are insignificant the really. All of my family seems to how to write those lists. If we didn't know how to write the list, then that would be the worried.
I am writing this blog from my phone so if anything goes wrong, it is because I am on speaker alphabet for the phone and I am talking to it I am writing this blog from my phone so if anything goes wrong, it is because I am  Talking instead of writing. I don't know about you but I write much better than I speak. I am at work so I will close. I just want you to remember but today is a gift and so are the memories that you made today make them well.

Oops...I did it again

I have not started singing Brittany Spears, but oops...I did it again. I have not kept up with my blog. I have not kept you informed on the fascinating insights into my mind as it wanders across the pages of life. I have no way of knowing or remembering if I do not write it down. It is so easy to let the days get away from us and before you even realize it, weeks have gone by.

Time seems to be relative alright. It relates to how old I am. The older I get, the faster it seems to move. I am not the only one who notices these things, but I cannot talk to myself about them, because, let's face it, that is just crazy, and others do not care about my opinion, yet. One day that may change.

I am trying to find jobs for companies that can help me build a portfolio. I am excited about the prospect of having jobs, and cannot wait to get started, but I am not sure how to start. So, I am trying a new strategy, and if it works, I will post it. If it does not work, well, then I am not hurting anyone by not saying anything.

I am new to this thing called marketing yourself. I am not sure how to go about it. I have asked people but they just say post to Facebook and Twitter. Well, that is all well and good if I have a following, but I do not. I cannot market myself if I cannot get my name out there. I try and I try and I try, but as of yet, no partakers. Every time I think I have a job, I did not have it.

I thought I might have a genealogy blog, but that stopped cold too. I have announced it on Facebook that I have a blog but as of yet, not more than 20 readers at any one time. I only think I made that much because I had a class that linked up to my blog at one time. Of course, they no longer read my blog, and I cannot seem to build an audience. Oh well.

I cannot cry over that or any of my issues if I refuse to buckle down and keep up the blog at least three times a week. I also cannot let other things slip. I must start organizing myself better. I was doing well, and then I quit writing everything down. I am going back to writing everything down. My memory is bad and I must keep my lists and my schedules.

I must also do the tackle box for tomorrow. Robert wants to go fishing and it needs organizing and since I have OCD, I do it.